Love yourself because of (not in spite of) your imperfections
March 18, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Health and Happiness
Somewhere in a book on my shelf there is a quotation (which of course I can’t find right now) that says that we are honored for our talents, but loved for our imperfections.
We spend so much time trying to weed out and reduce our flaws as though they were cancer cells. And true, we could all probably stand to be better listeners, more charitable to our neighbors etc. But is perfection really a worthy goal?
The funny thing about perfection if you think about it is that it’s really quite boring. There are no surprises, nothing unexpected, nothing dramatic, nothing humorous. All those things come from the less than perfect. If you think about someone that you perceive as being closer to perfection than most mortals, what is it that makes them appealing? Unique? If you were called to the morgue to identify the body, what characteristics would identify that person as different from others of a similar profile? My guess is that most of the things you might list here would generally be classified as an imperfection; a gap in the teeth, a mole, a scar, a bad dancer, stubborn, addiction to reality tv, you name it. Even high profile models are often ‘unique’ in being short (less than 6′) having a mole or a strong jaw. Something that brings them down just a tad from being physically ‘perfect’.
Physical ideals get the most press, but attitudes are probably even more important and harder to identify. A few years back I broke my arm in a rather embarrassing way. It was an after work event and I walked around the table to get away from a loud talker. I carried my beer with me, slipped on something and for some unknown reason tried to save the beer in my right hand while putting all my weight on my left wrist as I landed. I was embarrassed, mortified, a bit defensive (I was NOT inebriated) and there was no way to make this a secret when there were about 20 witnesses who thought it made a hilarious water cooler story at work the next day.
Then a funny thing happened. I noticed that when I told the complete story to strangers who asked about the cast on my arm, they warmed up to me – not just in sympathy, but because they could relate to me and all of those emotions. I don’t think I was ever any one’s idea of even close to perfect, but you wouldn’t be too far off to describe me as reserved and someone that played it safe. Someone that worried about what other people were thinking. I was used to being respected for my skills and talents and worked hard to present a competent and professional demeanor. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I was more successful in all aspects of my life when I showed my flaws and my humanness to the world without judging myself first.
I wish I could say that the six weeks in the cast cured me of self-doubt and self-consciousness completely. It didn’t, it just brought the lesson home and it’s one that I continue to work on. If any of this resonates with you, I recommend M.J. Ryan’s book Trusting Yourself: How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Live More Happily with Less Effort Without trust, there really can’t be love.
Great information!
Loving yourself can either be for the purpose of personal growth or it can be out of a more superior attitude. I know both types. Loving yourself to me means being comfortable and liking the person you have become with the good qualities as well as the imperfections. You strive for perfection but you accept the imperfections as well. You are true to yourself as well as with others. Your always yourself, not putting on a fake disguise to be someone you are not. You love others in the same way, accepting their short comings as well as their good qualities. We are more successful in life when we show our flaws and humanness in this world.