Doing by not doing
Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that dealing with my father’s death has been a lesson in zen, although he was the least zen-inspired person you could hope to find. He was against any formal services so instead we had an open house; simply opening the door to those who could come.
Yes, I did make about five phone calls to key people to ask them to spread the word and I did clear off the table tops (so there was room for drinks), brought up homemade wine from the basement, and vacuumed, but that was it. Simply because I knew I wasn’t capable of more and because I had no idea how to go about this kind of event.
Even though I’ve heard the phrase ‘doing by not doing’ and been open to the experience, I’ve never really had a personal example to point to , an a-ha moment until this one; by not doing more, more was received. Tables were laden with unsolicited food just right for the event and the rooms were full of people that had come from as far as two states away to pay their respects. The flowers that were delivered were just enough to decorate for the party but not make it seem like a funeral home. People arrived early and stayed late and helped out where help was needed while good stories were told. There were no speeches or preaching which was what my father hated the most.
I and others could have planned and slaved for three weeks and not created anything more appropriate. It was an event run on intuition and I can only hope that the valuable lesson will carry forward to other things.
