The No Excuses Project: It’s not my nature

I’m not proud of this excuse, in fact I find the voice in my head gets whiny when I even think it.  After some contemplation this past week I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as wanting something that is outside of our individual make-up.  That is to say that things that are truly ‘not my nature’ are things that I have no interest in doing or even trying. Things like smoking, karoake, bungee jumping, etc.  Some of them may be natural fits for other people but they don’t cross my path or thoughts.

So if we only want things we are naturally atuned to, why does this excuse even come up?  I think it may have to do with how we approach the ‘it’ instead of what it is.  The two places I know I’ve used this excuse are in learning latin dancing and romantic relationships.  Something in me is dying to get all dramatic on the dance floor and no, I haven’t made a serious effort to let it out. Other than some of those group introductory lessons where nobody knows what they’re doing and everyone feels self-conscious I’ve never made a serious try.  The excuse comes in when I contemplate how the majority of my ancestors were very sturdy peasants of various European nationalities who passed their genes to me quite successfully. One doesn’t tend to imagine peasants managing any hip action in a mambo.  But since I’m not interested in being any kind of professional that really shouldn’t matter.  If I’m really honest with myself it has to do with bravery and willingness to look like an idiot because I know the only way to really explore it would be to take individual lessons where there is no place to hide.  I’m not there yet.  But what I can and will do right now is start consciously working on being more flexible so that when I am feeling brave, I’ll be that much more ready.

As for romantic relationships, that’s a different use of the excuse when you’re feeling like you tried everything  you can think of and figure it must be not happening because you’re not made that way.  (And no, that’s not an orientation thing!) Besides a little self-pity which can be fun in small doses but is generally useless, all this means is that what I want is pretty much universal but I just haven’t found the right place, method, whatever to make it work out for me.  Giving in to the excuse just means giving up. Keeping an open mind to finding a whole new way of starting a relationship that’s never been written about in any advice column is where I need to head – mind you, I have no idea what that might be but I can stop using the excuse as a way to start.

Next week: “I’m scared” that’s the excuse, not my current mood!

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