The No Excuses Project: ‘It will take a long time’

It’s probably true – a lot of exciting, important things simply take a long time.  When we use this as an excuse though what we’re really saying is that we either don’t have enough time to achieve it or to enjoy it if we do.  Think back to when you were five or six and couldn’t imagine being as old as twenty. While the goal is important you need to find a way to enjoy the process as well – think about the difference between saying ‘I want to be a doctor’ and ‘I want to become a doctor’ – the latter may not make medical school go faster but I’ll bet it makes it more enjoyable. After all living takes a long time too!

Rather than simply give platitudes like ‘it’s all in your attitude’ I’d rather steer your attention to some creative thinking about how to make the process worthwhile.  For the person contemplating college in midlife who always hated school I’m guessing they never tried school on a computer and in their pj’s with a cup of cocoa.  It could make all the difference.  Or the person who wants to start a business but worries about how long it will take to be self-supporting. Are there ways to have a foot in some other income streams until the new one stabilizes? Not only will that make the process more fun but probably more successful too.

It is true though that if you keep putting it off it won’t come any faster…

Next week:  ‘I must not be good enough’

Technorati Tags: common excuses, wasting time

The No Excuses Project: ‘I don’t have the right equipment’

Can something be both true and an excuse at the same time? If so, this excuse is the most likely candidate. There are times when not having the right equipment will keep you from moving forward on a goal – venturing into outer space for example. And there are some examples closer to home as well but it’s still no reason to stop cold in your tracks.

The real problem is that ‘I don’t have the right equipment’ is a corollary excuse – meaning it almost always partners with another one such as ‘I can’t afford it’ or ‘I have too much going on’ or even ‘I don’t have enough space’. If getting the equipment is going to be a research project involving hunting down reviews and the best price the whole thing can spiral out of control. So the first thing to do is figure out if there is any truth to the statement and to what degree it is really a barrier.

Say your bring goal was to become a photographer. It’s absolutely true that you will need a camera to make that a reality. It is not true that it has to be the latest $10K model, (particularly since the new hot thing is cell phone camera photography) nor is it a justifiable excuse for stopping completely and becoming a couch potato. There are a lot of books on the technical aspects, composition, and lighting which would benefit a lot of existing photographers if they would just put down their cameras and pick up their library card. It’s not nearly as much fun as pushing buttons but it will move you forward.

Sometimes it just hesitation about the timing – I know I’ve used this one just this week regarding setting up a subscription list for the website. In short I don’t have the mailing list service even though I know where to find it and how much it will cost (not that much) but I’ve put it off because my plan isn’t clear in my head yet – what am I really going to do with it once I have it and I’ve put the fields on the homepage? I know there’s more work than that! I’m working up to it with a plan and a deadline so it can’t continue to be an excuse nor do I make rash purchases just to get it over with.

Next week: ‘It will take a long time’

Technorati Tags: common excuses, removing limits

The No Excuses Project: ‘My perception is skewed’

I would liken this excuse to being suddenly blind and deciding to sit in the same spot until either you could see again or magically become confident that you would never bump into a wall.  Just because I see the fallacy in the argument doesn’t mean I haven’t used it! A belief that you are always attracted to the wrong men (or women), or that you can’t seem to get a business off the ground when others are doing so fits into the excuse that you are somehow inherently flawed and can’t trust your own judgment.  The primary flaw in this excuse is the underlying belief that there is a perfect standard – some absolute truth that can be measured against.  But there just isn’t. There also isn’t a set schedule that everyone else follows nor do people usually own up to their own bumped noses.

Just like eyesight we all see things through the same technical process (light waves) but we receive slightly different data and process it differently.  No one person holds the truth on the exact shade of yellow in a daffodil or the right time to move across the country.  So how can your perception be skewed if there isn’t a single one out there that isn’t? The only real recourse is to blindly get up out of the chair, make a note of the walls you encounter and adjust course.  Being self-aware and able to acknowledge your own mistakes without recrimination will allow your judgment calls to grow with you; sitting in the chair won’t bring any more clarity.

Next week: I don’t have the right equipment

Technorati Tags: common excuses, Health and Happiness, self-perception

The No Excuses Project: ‘It will require too much risk’

Most everything in live worth having requires at least a little risk. Some things are easier to lead up to than others and this excuse is about the big things that require a massive leap of faith. What if you had lived in Ohio your entire life but always dreamed of living in Paris?  You could mitigate the risk by taking French lessons and saving up and taking a vacation there but to truly realize the dream at some point you have to put an ocean between everything familiar and what you think you want.

The goal certainly doesn’t have to be Paris, it could be starting a business or learning to rock climb.  The excuse comes in when we stop ourselves from going after it. Absolutely look for the things that can be done to remove some risk, physical, financial or emotional but then you have to ask yourself what the risk is of not doing it.  What do you stand to lose? Dreams count.

I know I’ve used this excuse when I wanted something that seemed out of reach and nobody in my immediate circle wanted it for themselves or knew anything about it.  That tends to heighten the perceived risk because it feels like there’s no net.  The truth is there really never is a net because everyone’s experience is different.  That doesn’t mean you head off to the mountains without the appropriate safety gear! It just means that we all perceive risk differently and have different goals attached to overcoming it.

Next week: ‘My perception is skewed and I don’t trust my own judgment’

Technorati Tags: common excuses, taking risks

The No Excuses Project: “Nobody will notice…”

As excuses go this one, “nobody will notice if I don’t do it because nobody is paying any attention” can go two ways.  Either it’s a sign of laziness as in the gum-popping clerk that shuts up shop an hour before closing or it’s a symptom of less than perfect self-esteem.  The self-esteem version is what’s of interest here – the people that feel that they don’t count enough to go after their dreams, even if it’s only a momentary lapse.

It seems to me that people notice far more than they talk about. We are so concerned with personal space these days that unless it’s your really close friend, nobody is likely to say ‘hey, whatever happened to that dream of going to Europe, did you do anything about that?’ because they figure you’ll bring it up if you want to talk about it. The smallest action on your part has a ripple effect on others and you probably have at least one example of that somewhere in your past.

I know I have also used this excuse for the mundane things like doing the dishes.  There is a fine line between letting that go to focus on something more important and letting it slide too far because you don’t think you really deserve to live in a comfortable environment. It could be true if you live alone that nobody else will notice (for awhile…) but you notice  and that counts for just as much.

Next week:  It will require too much risk

Technorati Tags: common excuses, lack of motivation

The No Excuses Project: ‘I’m not in the mood’

I think this is one of the trickier excuses because other common excuses often masquerade as this one.  For example people often say “I’m not in the mood” when they really mean “I’m tired” or “I just don’t want to”.  I’ve certainly used the phrase to express boredom or to cover up not knowing where to start – something that tends to make most people want to do just about anything else.

But when I use the phrase as an excuse it usually means something more akin to “I can’t concentrate” because I’m too busy worrying about something else and that’s taking up too much of my brain capacity.  For the computer geeks the CPU usage is maxed.  We’re human so turning that voice completely off is usually asking too much but reducing it to background noise should be doable.

Getting the worry or distraction out in the open is the first step using whatever techniques work best – lists, five questions, etc. then ask yourself if there is anything you can do to fix things right now (absolutely right this minute, not tomorrow.) If the answer’s yes, then that’s probably a priority.  If the answer is no, then put the worry aside until there is something you can do.

Sometimes even that is asking too much – when my father was in the ICU for ten days telling myself to postpone the worry wasn’t as helpful as it was for being distracted by bills.  But even then, when I stopped beating myself up about how fast I was working and let myself run at about 60% capacity I got things done.  Any movement is refusing to give the excuse any leeway.

I’ve done pretty well reducing my use of this one, doing a greater percentage of things that I really enjoy and are part of my personal goals has helped me be less resistant to the things that don’t come so easily.

Next week:  ‘Nobody will notice if I don’t do it because nobody is paying attention’

Technorati Tags: dealing with distractions, setting priorities, staying focused

The No Excuses Project: ‘It has never happened before’

This has to be one of the saddest excuses out there and I’m as guilty of using it as anybody else. At its heart, saying it can’t happen in the future because it hasn’t happened already is about giving up hope, and that has to be one of the most tragic things that can happen to any goal or dream, never mind the person.  I suspect that this excuse gets called on for romantic relationships twice as often as for anything else. I’ve certainly used it in that arena but it’s still just an excuse.  And I think too often an untruth as well.  When we’re feeling hopeless, frustrated or impatient (or all three at once!) we tend to focus on the negative and forget the positive examples.  ‘No one has ever fallen in love with me’ tends to overlook the kid at the coffee stand that you ignored, or the relationship with the ex that actually did start out more positive than it ended. Even it if has truly never happened, that should just mean it is actually more likely to happen in the future – sort of like speeding tickets.

That said, nobody wants to repeat failure and if you have made a stab at achieving something only to fall back, whether it was a relationship or a business, or even training your dog – than something needs to change.  Change doesn’t have to be big though. That’s where the butterfly effect comes in – the theory that the smallest change can drastically impact the result. Changing your regular gas station could lead to true love or taking baths instead of showers lead to publishing your first novel. It isn’t what the change is that is necessarily significant but rather the truth behind the statement ‘every action has a reaction’.  So if you don’t like the results you’ve been getting change something small in the equation. See what happens.

Next week: ‘I’m not in the mood’

Technorati Tags: common excuses, fear of success

The No Excuses Project: ‘I don’t have any experience’

For some people this is an excuse not to start and for others (like me) it’s an excuse to stay in the learning phase without moving on to the doing.  ‘I don’t have any experience’ may be one of the most popular excuses out there – it’s been used for everything from learning to play the piano to travelling to writing a love letter and beyond. Which if you think about it is just a little bit ridiculous because at some point the most famous person in the world had no experience in whatever it is that they are famous for.

Somewhere in our culture it became ingrained in most of us that there’s a time when it’s acceptable to look inexperienced, mostly before 25, and a time when you’re supposed to be past that.  It might have been true when people had only one career and lived in the same town and never went anywhere they hadn’t been going to their entire childhoods, but that’s certainly not reality now.

Technically, the excuse actually is in how you finish the sentence. For example ‘I don’t have any experience therefore I’m not going to do anything’ or ‘I don’t have any experience so I’m going to read another book on the subject.’  Acknowledging your deficiency is one thing, letting it stop you is something else entirely. It would be wonderful if you could arrange apprenticeships for everything under the sun as a means to gain sheltered experience with support and that is certainly an option for some goals.  But others, like traveling alone across Europe, you pretty much just have to prepare yourself in other ways and then do it. Gaining the experience is the experience.

Most things turn out to be made up of smaller components that actually are more familiar.  I don’t have any experience in sales and that has served as an excuse to slow down my progress on some goals as I’ve put some things off until my comfort level adjusted itself through fairy magic or meditation – I didn’t really care which.  But deep down I know that a big part of sales is talking to people and I do have experience in that, lots of it. Another part is knowledge and confidence in what you’re selling, not such a big leap there either.  And the remainder is probably much bigger in my imagination than it is in reality, like so many things.

As I head off to the show this weekend with my brand new credit-card processing machine I’ll be reminding myself that my level of experience on Monday will be about quadruple what it was on Friday, regardless of the money involved.  And at the very least I’ll have done something to stave off Alzheimer’s!

Next week: ‘It has never happened before’

Technorati Tags: common excuses, removing limits

The No Excuses Project: ‘I’ll compromise because I’m not confident enough to fully commit’

This past week’s excuse is one that I’m more guilty of than most, which is why it’s so awkwardly worded.  I once got stuck getting on an escalator in London (they move faster over there!) with a suitcase so that I was hopping on the escalator with one foot and the other was still on the platform.  I couldn’t get any leverage over my balance to either get both feet on or off the escalator.  A passing gallant gentleman had to rescue me by pulling me back.  I find myself doing that metaphorically in risky projects; compromising on how many or what risks I take so that I end up making an effort but not any progress.

I have seen it in others who have convinced themselves that they have to double their salary with their after work endeavors before they can justify leaving their day job. Most everyone that has made that leap had to go downhill on the income before they could head up the other hill.  The problem is nobody can say when the time is right for you, and most of us can’t see it for ourselves either.

I think the only preventative measure for this kind of excusing behavior is just to be aware of it.  Ask yourself if you are holding back so that it will be safe to turn back or if you are being taking enough smart risks.  Where are you with that big goal? If you can turn back to life exactly as you left it before you started than you probably haven’t given it enough of yourself.  Failure does happen as do unmet expectations but if you’ve really pursued the goal with everything you have these tend to manifest as something new and different in your life, not a return to something even more disappointing.

Next week: ‘I don’t have any experience’

Technorati Tags: common excuses, no excuses, taking risks

The No Excuses Project “I’m not strong enough”

As excuses go, this one is pretty weak (no pun intended) and I think is most often said internally.  Externally, it’s just whining – like kids saying they just can’t get the hang of mowing the lawn.  But when we tell ourselves that we don’t have what it takes either in physical or mental fortitude, there’s a part of us that really means it and that doubt is crippling. While I have no scientific evidence to quote I think women fall victim to doubting their own strength far more than men – testosterone has been shown to be linked to confidence in risk taking.

When it comes to physical strength, we are not all created equal and most of us are not only not ready to tackle Everest but have no real desire to do so which means there’s little incentive to start training for it.  But what about some other goal? I’ve always thought it would be cool to hike the Olympic National Park from the North to West boundaries – a 3-5 day trip through the back country of interlocking deer trails.  There are a number of reasons why I haven’t made any progress towards this and one of them is I don’t think I could physically pull off walking that far with a full pack. But at the same time that’s not an impossible level of fitness, even for me:-) I’ve just let the excuse stop me before I even start solving the other problems like who else would be willing to go along.

Most of us can’t escape testing our mental strength at some point – accidents and disasters happen without warning and most of us discover that we had more in reserve than we ever thought possible.  And yet still, when it comes to something like risking your life savings to start a business, we balk.  Caution and a good business plan are certainly called for, but if what is stopping you is the thought that you aren’t strong enough to handle it, or deal with the potential failure, that’s a problem.  If you make a list of everything that you have been strong enough to handle, I’m guessing the excuse just won’t measure up.

Next week: ‘I’ll compromise because I’m not confident enough to fully commit’

Technorati Tags: common excuses, self-doubt, taking risks

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