The No Excuses Project: ‘I’ll lose interest before it’s profitable’
October 28, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
This excuse is almost like having a fear of losing momentum. While not everything relates to profit, the underlying excuse is ‘it won’t be worth it’ so why start? There are two distinct categories to this, perhaps for you as well:
1) It’s really my brain saying you ‘should’ do this, want to do this, will be better for doing this when in fact my heart doesn’t want to do it at all. In which case it isn’t so much an excuse as a message saying ‘stop! Don’t go there!’ which needs to be listened to.
2) I’m unclear what the outcome will look like and so it feels like stepping off a cliff without seeing what lies beneath. I’m not sure what ‘it’ is so how can I possibly judge the value of the effort involved? I’m trying to change my habit of thinking and rely more on the process and less on the goal. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if a project gets finished or if a new skill ever gets applied. Sometimes, the benefit is in the learning phase or even just investigating. Have you ever researched on the web and found some fascinating site that is completely unrelated but which you never would have found otherwise? Was it worth it?
Distinguishing between the two categories is difficult but generally speaking a quick intuition check will give a clear answer. And as far as I know there’s no prize at the end for living life as efficiently as possible.
Next week: ‘I’m not strong enough’
The No Excuses Project: ‘It’s too big’
October 21, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
I don’t know about you but I save the excuse, ‘it’s too big’ for the things I really, really want. Somehow the more I want it, the more unobtainable it seems. There’s a clue in there somewhere on how to move past this excuse. Generally speaking this excuse is a euphemism for ‘I don’t know where to start.’ There are too many variables and pieces that the goal seems more like a giant ball that will roll away if you touch it, instead of a path where any step will move you forward.
The thing is, it is a path and any action will reveal more actions along with more insight as to which ones will be the most effective. I was doing some reading this past weekend on a completely different topic (online marketing) when I came across the story of the one red paperclip and how one guy who wanted to own a house got there with a single paperclip, some patience, and creativity. I doubt he really knew where to start either so just took a stab at it.
Sometimes the wild and wacky method is really effective, sometimes not. For example finding true love – a large and unwieldy goal for a good portion of the population. You can’t buy it, and there is lots of conflicting advice out there so where do you start? Is it really to big to be an achievable goal? I don’t really think it matters where you start just so long as you do something other than give up – it’s more a process of a elimination. Online dating will work for some and not for others as will church, Home Depot, traffic accidents, and a few others that I’ve heard of. While I wouldn’t recommend staging a traffic accident or anything else that isn’t authentic behavior, you can’t say it won’t work if you haven’t tried it. Or looked at a college website if you’re thinking about switching careers or gotten a map if you’re thinking about moving somewhere you’ve never been. Do just one thing and see what presents itself.
Next week: ‘I’ll lose interest before it’s profitable / it won’t be worth it’
The No Excuses Project: “I have too many other projects”
October 14, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
I have always ended up regretting using this excuse. At the time I never see it as an excuse; I think I’m being prudent or attempting to be realistic about what I tackle. The phrase ‘too many other projects’ often emerges in conjunction with another excuse such as ‘too tired’, ‘it will cost too much’ etc. so sometimes there a few layers that have to be peeled away. But when I finally give in, I’m inevitably hitting my forehead and wondering why the heck I didn’t just dive in the first time. For example, last Fall I postponed buying the equipment I needed for beach-glass jewelry, because “I had too many other projects.” I figured that I would experiment with wire wrapping the glass instead until I got a few other things out of the way. And then I realized that wasn’t going to work at all and that people were interested in seeing the soldered style. Now that I’m producing my own style, people are stopping and saying they’ve never seen it done that way and they seem to like it.
That said, it is possible to take on too much and then not give any of them your best. I think the trick there is to evaluate and take away the things that are not truly what you want to pursue. Maybe you think it would be prestigious to be a published author but if the rest of the world (the audience) disappeared you would stop it immediately. That’s usually a sign that your motivation isn’t coming from the right place. Most people that are truly living their passion would dance, sing, write, or do chemistry experiments solo on a desert island.
I haven’t rid myself of this excuse entirely, but I’m getting better just because I’ve had so many recent examples where I took the wrong path. There weren’t dire consequences but I ended up back at the same point every time. I remind myself of that when I feel the excuse coming on and then see if there isn’t something else that should be subtracted instead.
Next week: “It’s too big”
The No Excuses Project: ‘The past still has hold of me’
October 7, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
This excuse is a tough one for me; I use it a lot. When I say the past still has hold of me, it’s different than saying ‘it’s never worked before’. I’ve used that one too but it’s for a different week. This one seems to come out more when I’m feeling stressed and inadequate. It usually comes from a completely different direction so if I’m worrying about finances then I start telling myself that I haven’t resolved past relationships and can’t move forward. If I’m stressing about a relationship then I may tell myself that I never accomplished my goals in a prior career. It’s something of a distraction mechanism as it gets me worrying about something other than what’s really bothering me, only it’s not productive at all.
I didn’t get this one off of a list in a book, so I could be the only one using this excuse (but I doubt it.) My best strategy is to simply call it what it is ‘that’s and excuse and NO MORE EXCUSES!’ That seems to silence the inner voice for awhile but it requires repeat applications and constant vigilance. Working on my patience and restricting my worrying is on the goal list too. Altogether think I can eliminate this one with some work… I hope.
Next week: ‘I have too many other projects’
The No Excuses Project: ‘Help will not be available’
September 30, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
This is one of the sneaky excuses – few people will blatantly say they aren’t going to do something because no one will help them, but many of us have said that we aren’t ‘ready’ to do whatever it is that feels like putting on a backpack and heading off solo into the wilderness without a compass or a cell phone. Most of us will never be ready for that kind of experience! I can’t prove that help will show up, but if you look back I’m guessing that it always has in the past especially if you allow for a liberal definition of help to include finding that useful book on Amazon, or an inspiring website, or a friendly ear on an airplane. Heck, help even shows up sometimes as rejection which can either strengthen our resolve or show us that an alternate path might yield the goal more effectively.
Subconsciously I have used this one a lot. Not being particularly good at asking for help, as well as being more inclined to work alone (as opposed to teams) I have a tendency to feel like I’m supposed to be able to figure it all out on my own. But most people with big dreams have been in the same position as those of us still dreaming. So while they may not have travelled the same path or have a specific answer, they remember the feeling and aren’t inclined to stomp all over people. They will show up in your life. As will the books and anything else that you need to move forward, it just may not be at the exact moment you think they should!
I have gotten better in the last few years about asking questions with positive results so like any other new habit or thought process this one takes some getting used to. I’m simply resolving not to use the excuse going forward, to make sure that I’m not subconsciously stopping myself with the belief that help will not show up. It will, my job is to be open to it.
Next week: ‘The past still has hold of me’
The No Excuses Project: ‘the timing isn’t right’
September 23, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
Even though I know darned well that the timing is never right, at least by my standards, this is probably my most frequently used excuse. Timing only becomes perfect in retrospect after you’ve achieved success and things didn’t fall apart like you anticipated.
I haven’t come up with a killer strategy for this one yet, except to remind myself that the bad things in life, like cancer and car accidents, rarely wait for the time to be just right so seizing the day for the things you do want is the only way to make sure they stay on the list. I think it’s also helpful to break down the resistence into smaller pieces such as money, time, the economy etc. and find ways to adjust each and expectations so that things can still move forward. If nothing else, it’s worth getting some of the learning out of the way so that if you do have to try again at some later point there will be fewer hurdles. It’s the challenge that makes things fun:-)
Next week: ‘Help will not be available when I need it’
The No Excuses Project: ‘I’m scared’
September 16, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
Hmm, fear. It’s hard to admit to and yet it controls so many of our actions. To complicate things there is more than one kind and varying degrees of each. Despite having been called fearless (nonsense!) I do get scared and I have let it control my actions. Some have thought I don’t because it rarely stops me in my tracks, but rather it causes me to hang on to the side like a kid learning to swim or to ice skate. If you don’t let yourself let go it ends up hampering your movements and you don’t make progress.
So here I am hanging on the side, trying to keep one foot in the safe zone while reaching for the impossible with the other. As excuses go, I’ve rarely heard myself or others actually say “I’m scared,” it usually comes out as ‘that’s for other (richer, thinner, fitter, younger, older) people’ or ‘I don’t have time’ or something similar. I made a lot of progress facing fears when I started in on keeping a risk list. That led me to conquer the fear of unknown protocols like shopping for makeup or perfume in fancy department stores. Those were the easier ones to identify because the fear was a little more obvious.
When I look at the goals in front of me I know that being scared is holding me back and yet it’s just one voice among the many other excuses. The best solution I have right now is to just to remember how I’ve conquered the smaller things, took one thing at a time, went slowly and with an open mind. Recuperating time after facing a big challenge is also important. Most workout routines recommend putting a day or two of rest between strength training, this is no different. I’ve made strides this week too – I’m now showing my jewelry in a gallery and moving ahead with art show planning. There’s no half way measures on that last one.
Next week: The timing isn’t right (I use this one a lot!)
The No Excuses Project: It’s not my nature
September 9, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
I’m not proud of this excuse, in fact I find the voice in my head gets whiny when I even think it. After some contemplation this past week I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as wanting something that is outside of our individual make-up. That is to say that things that are truly ‘not my nature’ are things that I have no interest in doing or even trying. Things like smoking, karoake, bungee jumping, etc. Some of them may be natural fits for other people but they don’t cross my path or thoughts.
So if we only want things we are naturally atuned to, why does this excuse even come up? I think it may have to do with how we approach the ‘it’ instead of what it is. The two places I know I’ve used this excuse are in learning latin dancing and romantic relationships. Something in me is dying to get all dramatic on the dance floor and no, I haven’t made a serious effort to let it out. Other than some of those group introductory lessons where nobody knows what they’re doing and everyone feels self-conscious I’ve never made a serious try. The excuse comes in when I contemplate how the majority of my ancestors were very sturdy peasants of various European nationalities who passed their genes to me quite successfully. One doesn’t tend to imagine peasants managing any hip action in a mambo. But since I’m not interested in being any kind of professional that really shouldn’t matter. If I’m really honest with myself it has to do with bravery and willingness to look like an idiot because I know the only way to really explore it would be to take individual lessons where there is no place to hide. I’m not there yet. But what I can and will do right now is start consciously working on being more flexible so that when I am feeling brave, I’ll be that much more ready.
As for romantic relationships, that’s a different use of the excuse when you’re feeling like you tried everything you can think of and figure it must be not happening because you’re not made that way. (And no, that’s not an orientation thing!) Besides a little self-pity which can be fun in small doses but is generally useless, all this means is that what I want is pretty much universal but I just haven’t found the right place, method, whatever to make it work out for me. Giving in to the excuse just means giving up. Keeping an open mind to finding a whole new way of starting a relationship that’s never been written about in any advice column is where I need to head – mind you, I have no idea what that might be but I can stop using the excuse as a way to start.
Next week: “I’m scared” that’s the excuse, not my current mood!
The No Excuses Project: Doing this will stop me from starting more important things
September 2, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
This week’s excuse, ‘doing this will stop me from starting more important things, is a common affliction for those of us with many interests and is often met with the reponse ‘better to do nothing at all than to do the wrong thing.’ It’s a hard one to undue because there are always more ideas and projects than their are hours or hands. It’s the excuse that’s the problem, though.
Have I cured myself in a week? Not hardly, but I believe this one boils down to trust; trusting that things will work out, that neither time nor our lives are linear and that things can branch out to bring us back to the other fork in the road. We take the path we are meant to take and the path we take is always the right one. Do I sound convincing yet?
Somehow it’s easier when the passion or conviction is strong – I must go to Europe! and we go. When it comes down to choosing between a continuing education class in belly dancing or kaleidoscope making it’s a slightly tougher call. Maybe we are supposed to stay home and write that novel instead…
I think my only real answer is to look at the project or question that is calling and ask if it in itself is an excuse, luring me away from dealing with what I know needs my attention. If it isn’t, than it is the right thing to start, or research, or ponder in that moment. And it’s ok to set it aside later when something else legitamately calls. Once the excuses are eliminated, it will be completed in due time.
Next week: It’s not my nature
The No Excuses Project: I’m too tired
August 26, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
For those of us that analyze things six ways to Sunday before taking any action, this is a common excuse – not to get out of doing the work but because we’ve already worn ourselves out with thinking instead of doing.
And yet it is also true that when presented with something purely fun requiring no planning or pass/fail grades we find ourselves suddenly revived. So tiredness isn’t really the issue.
I certainly have felt too hot and too tired this week and yet my purpose in extended my stay was to get specific things done. My effective strategy so far is simply to take a short break and then get up and do just one more thing. No great insight there but it does mean progress gets made even if everything doesn’t get completed as envisioned. Not using the excuse doesn’t mean turning yourself into a superhero either. I think that’s where the whole ‘have it all’ failed – there are still only 24 hours in a day and some of them are needed for sleep. When big tasks present themselves, other things need to be modified. I had two rooms of files and stuff to sort out this week so I cut back on the blogging to every other day. I could have said I was too tired for even that much. Instead I took a little bit of time out for this and still managed to manage the other tasks. I will have to watch where it creeps up when I’m back on my regular schedule and there’s something interesting on TV!
Next week’s excuse is tbd, I should be back home tomorrow and will pick one out then…
