The No Excuses Project: I’m too old or too young
August 19, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
It’s been a busy week so I haven’t really had a chance to sit quietly with this excuse “I’m too old” or “I’m too young”. But, like most things, the world conspired to keep it a learning experience regardless. First of all it’s been a week of having everyone I’ve talked to tell me some story about my father. I think it’s totally natural when someone dies to think back about your experiences with that person but when you’re on the receiving end it can be a bit overwhelming. It seems universally acknowledged that my father never used this excuse on himself. He ran and won a local elected office when he was 80 and went to war when he was 17. He was always making plans and getting toys in his Christmas stocking.
So why is it that he was constantly telling me that I was too young or too old? As the youngest child “later” was the most common response to just about anything new that I wanted to try and “it’s time to grow up” was the admonishment for anything that I didn’t. And while I never let that stop me I think a thread of it made it’s way in. It was implied in my adult life as well – how could I possibly be old enough to know how to do my taxes? or do home improvement? or go out on a date?
There are also times when I feel that I missed my chance; that if I wanted a particular thing that I should have set about achieving it years ago. It can be hard to have faith that things work out in their own time. We want evidence that will support the theory and yet some things are more binary and only result in a yes or no answer. For example, how can you possibly gather evidence that true love is coming? Other than reading your horoscope or consulting a psychic, that is. You either have it or you don’t and neither circumstance is proof that the other will not be in your future, regardless of your age. At least this is what I keep telling myself.
This one is the type of excuse that affects my attitude and thus influences my actions more than it affects the actions themselves. I will be continuing to watch and observe to see where I can eliminate it and am hoping for some significant changes.
In the meantime, it’s time to pick one out of the bowl for next week but… I’m not in the same location as the bowl and won’t be for more than a week – a perfect excuse opportunity! Instead I’ve decided that an excuse that I know is in there and seems most fitting for this week will be the focus: I’m too tired.
The No Excuses Project: “I’m too ____”
August 12, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
The excuse of this past week was “I’m too (fat, tall, short, etc.)” Although I know I’ve said this to myself in the past, I didn’t catch myself using this one this week. I’m thinking it’s the type of excuse that stays in the dark and won’t come forward when the lights are on. Some things are like that – the instant you start looking for it, the bad habit stops but vigilance is still required.
Strangely enough I did find myself getting in a little more exercise so maybe meditating on this one has had a beneficial subconscious effect. In any event it’s not hard to find success stories in any walk of life of people that have bypassed this one – short basketball players, tall pilots, non-anorexic dancers and models. Wouldn’t the world be an interesting place if nobody paid attention the mandatory profile of what body type each role should be?
The other thing I’ve noticed this week is that I seem to be getting more done every day; I guess just that little extra attention of watching myself for signs of an oncoming excuse has led to greater productivity. Hopefully that trend will continue. It’s not the most glamorous project to undertake but it will be glorious to break several generations of self-limitation!
Next week: “I’m too old (or young) and I’ve missed my chance” This won’t be such an easy one!
The No Excuses Project: “I can’t afford it”
August 5, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
When I began this project last week and drew “I can’t afford it” from the bowl of excuses, I wasn’t sure what to think. It seemed like a big one to tackle first; it’s probably one of the top three excuses of mankind.
On the other hand I have a pretty good relationship with money and while the lottery and trust funds have so far escaped me, I get by – in part because I do tell myself ‘I can’t afford it’ and save my money. Which is great for getting by but doesn’t accomplish much else. It is definitely one of the memes that goes back generations without interruption. I was a little surprised by what came up during the week and while I haven’t put this excuse out of my life, I think I’m much more conscious of where and how I use it:
Taking a vacation
I decided to take a short vacation anyway although I told myself before and during that I really couldn’t afford it. The irony is that the destination was so disappointing that I chose free camping over the pre-arranged accommodations and passed up an expensive planned activity so it ended up costing me only about a third of what I’d originally thought. I didn’t have a great time but it turned out I could afford it! And now I know, as opposed to thinking it was something that would have to wait forever.
Getting a dog
I’ve been thinking about getting a dog for some time and the owners of the pooches I stop to pet are starting to look at me funny because it’s clear I love them. Every time I seriously consider it I back down because of the cost of boarding and vet bills. As I’ve pondered this one after meeting Ramona on Wednesday, an elderly Rottweiler that didn’t know she was one, I’ve concluded that it would not be a fair thing right now to introduce a new family member to my elderly cat. However, that doesn’t mean putting it away. What I can be doing is gradually accumulating paraphernalia like water bowls, blankets and leashes, researching how to best handle the whole pooper-scooper issue etc. That way when the circumstances and the right dog align, I’ll be ready.
Being self-employed
I’m not sure why I tell myself I can’t succeed at this because I can’t afford it but the brain isn’t always logical. Somewhere in my circuits is this idea that I can’t afford to bridge the financial gaps that happen in business, can’t afford the initial outlay necessary to get things off the ground and can’t afford to fail. I read some advice on dealing with excuses that pointed out that if you aren’t treating something like a life and death matter then you aren’t really giving it everything you’ve got. I definitely need to treat my career goals like a life and death matter. It feels like one so it’s time to stop hanging back a little, keeping one foot inside the room instead of putting both out on the ledge. Part of me feels the pressure to fall back on what’s safe, what my family thinks I should do, even though they try hard not to say it. But that too would be an excuse not to really try. The truth is I can’t afford to keep telling myself ‘I can’t afford it.’
Next week: “I’m too ____” (fat, tall, out of shape, opinionated, reclusive, etc.)
No Excuses – where to start?
July 29, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
Now that I’ve committed to giving up excuses and hopefully making great leaps towards my dreams, there’s the practical problem of how to go about this. There seems to be a great variety of approaches out there – here are just five of the better articles I came across:
- Catch Yourself Making Excuses, Then do Something About It
- To Become Rich You Must Stop Making Excuses
- Compelling Case Against Change…
- No More Excuses
- Break Bad Habits: Rewire Your Brain in 14 Days
It’s interesting how the excuses identified seem to be universal but what to do about it does not. I have to say I disagree with those that say just to do something and the excuse will disappear like magic and agree with Dr. Dyer that if you don’t change your thinking, you will just rack up ammunition in defense of your excuse. These are the real life-impeding excuses anyway, not just the ones along the lines of it’s too hot, wet, cold to mow the lawn. Think along the lines of someone that sees a fundamental impediment in themselves to finding true love – too old, too fat, too tall, etc. who ‘does something’ to change like trying speed dating or letting friends set up a blind date, but doesn’t change their thinking about why they’re single. Odds are good that whatever action they took will not have deep or lasting impact on what they want until they ‘undo’ the excuse and may well add fuel in the self-talk “I told you so!”.
So what I’ve decided to do is work on one core excuse a week for the first half of ‘the year’ and then projects for the second half. That way I’ll tackle the thinking that spreads across my life as well as what is holding me back in specific areas. I used the excuses catalog in Excuses Begone as a place to start, crossing out the few that I don’t use and adding in some of my own. I typed up the list of my 26 most frequently used excuses and cut them apart, folded them up and put them in a ceramic jar. Each week I’ll randomly pull one out to focus on, watch for and correct. I’m under no illusions that these will go away in a week, after all some of them have been in use for thirty plus years but I think a week will get me started on catching when and how I try to use it and get new thoughts started that I can reach for easily in the future.
This week’s target excuse: I can’t afford it
An interesting place to start…
The beginning of the No Excuses project
July 21, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
I’ve been used to thinking of excuses as something offered to someone else, usually with the intent of escaping something you’d rather not do e.g. I’m too tired to do the dishes or the all-time classic, the dog ate my homework. In adulthood I’ve been more accustomed to thinking of them as lies for the same purpose; a former friend was always either late or a no-show to agreed arrangements because of having to pick up the dry cleaning. Since she wore jeans to work, it wasn’t all that plausible as often as she used it. I’ve always made an effort to be honest with others, but somehow overlooked being just as honest with myself.
I finished up reading Wayne Dyer’s Excuses Begone! last week and am starting to face how good I am at excuses. These are the ones that you use against yourself to keep safe and keep the status quo even when you don’t want it. From ‘I can’t afford it’ to ‘It’s never happened successfully before’ I’ve used almost all of them and they’ve been holding me back from what I want in my life. It’s time to stop.
As I’ve been thinking about what kind of year-long project would be significant for me and interesting to write about, I’ve been drawing something of a blank except for wondering if there was something I could do where I could emerge as a latin dancer at the end of it (fantasy more than true desire on that one!) I think this is it – a year without excuses. No saying ‘I can’t afford it’ but not running up the credit card either; instead finding a way to make it happen. It’s not quite as delicious as the Julia Child project but it feels much more critical for where and who I am. So here goes – no more excuses, not even the one about how it would be nice to wait until I’ve got this figured out as to how I’m going to do it and wouldn’t it be better to wait for the first of the month or something that is a clearer starting point. Yesterday was the anniversary of the moon landing so maybe that’s significant enough…
