A letter from your future self
September 3, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Health and Happiness
I was reading a book on accomplishing goals this morning and came across an exercise where you imagine yourself one year in the future and then write a letter to the you of today. It’s a fun thing to think about. I’m sure there are variants of this exercise out there in various books about visualization and manifesting but something made it stand out to me today.
Five years ago when I was trying to fit into big corporate America I would have certainly hoped that the coming year would bring more money, better projects, true love, and everything else I’ve ever wanted. I’ve always had plenty on the want list and the to-do list but even so the odds were that the next year wouldn’t look all that different from the current one. I might have renovated a room or made it to a travel destination but the day to day stuff didn’t vary that much.
This last year I’ve made so many changes and taken so many risks that the one thing I’m certain of is that one year from today will look different from today. I’m not sure how or in what way but there is so much in motion now that it can’t possibly stay the same. Some projects will succeed and move into a new phase, others will fail and be put away. This blog (had better) settle into a pattern that feels right to me and the readers. All that change is a little bit scary but mostly one big relief – I’ve finally stopped treading water! I may not be swimming with great style but even flailing around tends to attract help. Big risks simply can’t be maintained as risks for very long – they turn into other things before you know it.
I’m not sure what my 2010 self has to say to my 2009 self besides beaming pride for trying all these things and promises that true love stands a better chance of appearing in the next twelve months than it did five years ago. The more “me” I am the more likely that the right things will come into my life.
What does your future self have to tell you?
No Excuses – where to start?
July 29, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
Now that I’ve committed to giving up excuses and hopefully making great leaps towards my dreams, there’s the practical problem of how to go about this. There seems to be a great variety of approaches out there – here are just five of the better articles I came across:
- Catch Yourself Making Excuses, Then do Something About It
- To Become Rich You Must Stop Making Excuses
- Compelling Case Against Change…
- No More Excuses
- Break Bad Habits: Rewire Your Brain in 14 Days
It’s interesting how the excuses identified seem to be universal but what to do about it does not. I have to say I disagree with those that say just to do something and the excuse will disappear like magic and agree with Dr. Dyer that if you don’t change your thinking, you will just rack up ammunition in defense of your excuse. These are the real life-impeding excuses anyway, not just the ones along the lines of it’s too hot, wet, cold to mow the lawn. Think along the lines of someone that sees a fundamental impediment in themselves to finding true love – too old, too fat, too tall, etc. who ‘does something’ to change like trying speed dating or letting friends set up a blind date, but doesn’t change their thinking about why they’re single. Odds are good that whatever action they took will not have deep or lasting impact on what they want until they ‘undo’ the excuse and may well add fuel in the self-talk “I told you so!”.
So what I’ve decided to do is work on one core excuse a week for the first half of ‘the year’ and then projects for the second half. That way I’ll tackle the thinking that spreads across my life as well as what is holding me back in specific areas. I used the excuses catalog in Excuses Begone as a place to start, crossing out the few that I don’t use and adding in some of my own. I typed up the list of my 26 most frequently used excuses and cut them apart, folded them up and put them in a ceramic jar. Each week I’ll randomly pull one out to focus on, watch for and correct. I’m under no illusions that these will go away in a week, after all some of them have been in use for thirty plus years but I think a week will get me started on catching when and how I try to use it and get new thoughts started that I can reach for easily in the future.
This week’s target excuse: I can’t afford it
An interesting place to start…
Changing the rules of friendship
July 28, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under The Art of Happiness
Have you ever made a conscientious effort to change a habit or behavior and then feel like you’re being punished because friendships change for the worse or disappear altogether? Smokers trying to quit often suddenly realize that the majority of their friends are smokers even though if you’d asked them before they tried to kick the habit they would probably tell you they had lots of non-smoking friends. It can be the same with any major change – you’ve changed the rules and not everyone thinks its for the better. Almost always this has more to do with how they see themselves than how they see you.
For example, if you had a habit of complaining that you decided to break but your friends were co-enablers then odds are good that if you stop complaining you are breaking an unwritten contract as well as implying by virtue of taking the action that it’s a bad habit that can be corrected – if they don’t take a similar action the friends may see themselves as deficient even if you don’t see them that way. Relationships between friends tend to fall into roles. If one person changes out of that role, be it mentor, conspirator, confidant, student or whatever than there’s a chance the friendship may need to take a hiatus for new roles to be negotiated and it may not come back together. There are lot more examples in Could friendships be ruining your life?
The good news is that the smokers that successfully quit eventually do find whole new circles of non-smoking friends as they change their daily habits to include new things. The same goes for the person that quits a job to go back to school, moves across the country or starts their own business. That period in between the old life and the fully developed new life can seem lonely and scary – heck, it’s scary without friendships changing, but if it happens it’s likely a painfully necessary part of the process. Approaching it with an open heart and a healthy dose of patience will deliver you safely into the arms of the friends that stuck by you and a whole bunch of new ones that you wouldn’t have met otherwise.
The value of adding joy to the everyday moments
March 11, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Pursuit of Happiness
It’s funny how people tend to focus on the big moments and events in life as being the most joyful; things like graduation,weddings, etc. And these should be joyful occasions, but they aren’t nearly frequent enough to live on joyfully. It’s the small everyday things where a drop of pleasure repeated will multiply and stretch to last.
Here’s a simple way to start adding more joy into the everyday moments. Start by looking at your daily routine for the tasks and moments that you repeat so often that they are almost unconscious. Things like brushing your teeth or grabbing that first cup of coffee. Pick one and then think about ways to bring more pleasure and joy to that moment, using all five senses. For example, are the coffee cups in your cupboard there out of convenience (free, cheap, gifts) or is each one truly a representation of the perfect coffee cup? The right shape, color, thinness, to suit your mood on a given day? If not, start weeding out the ones that are simply functional and begin a quest for mugs that feel, look, and taste the way you want them too; bringing just a little more joy into your day, everyday. There’s no time limit and no rules. Enjoy the process of bringing beauty and pleasure into your surroundings in small, inexpensive ways that don’t add clutter or simply more ‘stuff’.
And yes, even brushing your teeth can be brought to a new level – try different toothpastes until you find one you really like the taste of (comparatively anyway!) Look for toothbrush holders that make you smile or get one of those faucet attachments with LED lights that makes the water look colored. (Brushed Chrome Colored Faucet Light Heat Sensitive Color Changing)
If you keep with this, gradually improving your experience with your daily routine it won’t be all that long before moving through the day feels a bit easier and lighter.
