5 tips for spring cleaning your mind
March 26, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Health and Happiness
There’s something about spring cleaning that gives a fresh perspective to a familiar room; maybe it’s just reacquainting yourself with the details that aren’t so apparent day to day. The same is true for all those internal thoughts and plans. Here are five relatively simple things you can do to clean out the mental cobwebs.
- Throw away or give away all those half-finished projects; those things that you started or set aside materials for more than six months ago but that you haven’t touched in the last 60 days. Really be honest about the likelihood and your desire to finish them. If they don’t make that cut give them to someone that will find value in finishing it or just get rid of it and cross it off the list. You’ll free up physical space, mental space, and lose some guilt as well.
- Update your to-do list, goals and risk lists. Gather any and all paper and electronic lists and go over them with an open mind. Check off the things that have been done, remove things that are no longer pertinent (it’s ok to let go of a goal not yet accomplished if it’s no longer a dream.) And add anything new that’s come up. Also, if you’re a habitual list maker think about consolidating lists so there aren’t so many to keep track of.
- Clear the air with other people. If something has been bugging you, even if it goes back to your childhood, bring it up with that person in a non-confrontational way. Even if it doesn’t completely mend the hurt feelings, finding out why they said or did what they did will free you up from wondering and speculating. It’s amazing how many hurtful things get said when someone simply isn’t feeling well; finding that out helps put it in better perspective.
- Let go of any fears about money, kids, grades, whatever for one week. You can pick them back up after seven days if you really want to. And turn off the TV and radio for the same week; yes, really. If something really dire happens, someone will tell you. Then see what comes to fill this sudden void.
- Rearrange your environment and your routine. This doesn’t have to be drastic unless you want it to be. Just try moving pictures around to different walls than they were on before. Go for a walk or run in the neighborhood instead of the gym, take the headphones off on the bus, eat breakfast in the living room. Switch it up a bit.
How to stop creating your own negative reality
March 12, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Health and Happiness
Have you ever dreaded a conversation with a boss or coworker or even a spouse so much that you find yourself playing the different roles inside your head ahead of the actual conversation? And how often does the real conversation mimic the one in your head?
Odds are good that since as much as 80% of communication is nonverbal that you could be ‘leading the witness’ and making things more uncomfortable than they need to be. Think of someone that goes to the boss to ask for a raise but doesn’t think they’ll get it. How often does the boss say yes in that situation? That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have the uncomfortable conversations or that you should like someone that you really don’t. It just means it’s a good idea to leave some of the input to the other party.
If you can stop yourself from predicting the outcome of the conversation or what the other person is likely to say, you may be surprised at what happens. So how do you do that? Mostly by stopping the voices in your head. Prep for any difficult conversation on paper. List out what you want, what problems are occurring, things that you know, and leave out the things that you are guessing. Then every time you hear yourself say “he’s going to say…” stop yourself, remind yourself that you don’t know what the other person will say, and focus on your list instead. Notice what really happens in the meeting, pretend to be a silent observer even as you’re talking. It only takes a time or two of seeing things not go quite as badly as you might have predicted to start to stop leading with your chin and spoiling for a fight.
Putting myself out there
March 5, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Juliet's Journal
My comfort zone is definitely in the planning and building stages of any project – the parts where failures can be kept private and things done completely on my own schedule. This week marks the beginning of the transition from that phase to the one of public input and reception for my two blogging projects (this site and www.nurdle.net) This week I started posting links to these two sites on the various social networks and next week I’ll start advertising (using my free credits that came with the web host account.) And from this point on I’ve committed to myself to post on a fairly regular schedule so that any new visitors have a reason to return. (No pressure!)
Now public opinion will start impacting my goals. I could still write, publish, do whatever at no additional cost and on my own schedule, but my goal is to make enough money through affiliates, advertising, and other products to provide sufficient income to fund the time to continue at full speed. And that requires a willing public. Not only can’t I control that, but I can’t predict it either!
Time to trust in myself and my instincts and quite frankly the people I’m trying to attract to my sites. It may take a little time, but if there’s real value here, they’ll find their way. The real risk is that I’ll stop myself just short of that goal; that famous one inch away from the vein of gold. I’m determined not to stop there.
How to start taking more and better risks right now
February 24, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Health and Happiness
Risks are not all created equal. Healthy risks (and the ones worth pursuing) are to gain those skills and abilities that you envy in other people, “I wish I was like that” or “I wish I could do that” or that make your eyes light up while you think “I wonder if…”. They are not things that make you nauseous or instill any other symptoms of fight or flight or that you know will be harmful. Sky diving is not a healthy risk for me personally because when I think about it, all I get is a feeling of dread, my stomach drops to my knees, and I can’t imagine feeling better about myself at the end of it. It may or may not be on your personal risk list.
The first step to learning to take more risks is to figure out which ones are on your personal list without making any immediate plans to tackle them or beat yourself up for not being there yet. Risks can be big or small, things that seem silly, or things that are universally acknowledged to be a really big deal. Healthy risks may be emotional risks, physical challenges or both. It’s okay; it’s your list and your timetable – there are no deadlines.
Why keep a written list?
Well, mostly because risks are sneaky and once conquered, they quickly slip from your memory as ever having been scary. Keeping a running list that you maintain helps to prove to yourself how brave you’re being and how far you’ve come. I’ve been keeping mine since 2004 and can now say that I typically cross off about 7 or 8 items each year but with each year the number grows… you may have more or less. When I look back at the early items, it’s hard to remember ever feeling like those were really risks!
Starting your list
Step 1. Create a list of risky things that you can identify now that you would like to tackle someday. Look over the list to make sure that you aren’t allowing anyone else’s risks onto your list just because you feel you should. Do you genuinely feel excited about the day when you’ll feel ready to take each one on, even if they feel overwhelming now?
Step 2. Copy the list to a permanent journal or computer document (I confess I keep mine in a spreadsheet) and leave enough room for the date when you complete each item. Be sure to leave some room at the end to add items as you think of them.
Step 3. Pick the risk that you want to start with and ask yourself if you feel ready to take it on. It’s okay to give yourself research time or just to sit with it for awhile. When you have met the challenge, mark the date it was completed next to it on the list and pick the next one to tackle.
Step 4. Add items to the list posthumously (the risk, not you!) That is, risks that you take and face but that you hadn’t thought to add to the list ahead of time. Example: fixing the leaking toilet – not something I anticipated having to deal with, and I was shaking with each turn of the wrench, but oh so proud of myself at the end of it and I know now that I could do it again with much less angst.
Step 5. Look over the completed items once a year on New Year’s or your birthday and really take stock of how far you’ve come and give yourself credit. Add any new risks you’ve thought of that you’d like to take on someday.
In the five years that I’ve been keeping my list it’s grown to around 75 items. Here are some examples of the range these can take:
Window shop inside Tiffany’s (10/1/2004)
Visit a psychic (5/27/2006)
Call the local gym (8/15/2006)
Wander around New York City by myself (1/25/2007)
Trade $100 on the stock market (tbd)
Drive to Alaska (tbd)
