The ego isn’t necessarily evil
July 20, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Health and Happiness
I’ve recently concluded that the ego is getting an undeservedly bad rap, if it even really exists. It’s not like the ego is a kidney that can be identified on an x-ray; Freud came up with the term and like most pioneers he got a lot of things wrong. But we continue to carry the concept forward and I’ve read several authors recently that proclaim it to be the number one obstacle to well, just about everything. The argument made by established self-help authors like Wayne Dyer and wanna be gurus like Ekhart Tolle is that humans are made in the image of [insert preferred spiritual source] which does not have an ego and therefore we gain elevation and enlightenment if we move closer to said spiritual source by eliminating the ego as much as possible. I’m paraphrasing pretty heavily but you’ve probably encountered this concept somewhere already. The flaw in this argument is that we all have egos and thus if we were created in a source’s image or divided from that source, or designed in any way then the ego may be misunderstood, like having an appendix, but it’s there for a reason and serving a necessary purpose. Any time we seek to sublimate or deny a core part of ourselves we create negative consequences which is something Freud acknowledged as well.
That doesn’t mean I’m advocating for “egotistical” behaviors – that’s simply going overboard in the opposite direction. And most of the truly ego-overloaded people I’ve known had rock-bottom self-esteem underneath all the bravado. I think the universal challenge in being human that is being overlooked is the one of finding balance: the right midpoint between “I” and “we”, how to follow your bliss and still get the garbage out, play and work, work (of any sort) and care for children/pets/elderly, traveling to expand your horizons and staying home to cultivate them.
In place of the ego and the id, I prefer to think in terms of Martha Beck’s ‘social self’ and ‘essential self’, the first being equivalent to the ego in terms of being in charge of social interactions and behavior – why we wear deodorant, try not to say mean but true things, and all the other stuff that wouldn’t be an issue if you lived alone on a desert island with no expectation of seeing anyone ever again. Whereas the essential self is the sense of “me-ness” that would still exist on that desert island, ageless, eternally delighted with sparkle crayons, etc. Here too, there is a balancing act but there is acknowledged value in both aspects – one part without the other would be fundamentally unwhole. We are, after all, each created whole. We don’t see physical growth from baby to teenager and beyond as the correction of flaws so why should spiritual and personal growth be any different?
That’s my take on it, you may see it differently – please share your thoughts in the comments:-)
Just because it’s a best seller doesn’t mean it’s a good idea
March 3, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under The Art of Happiness
There is big money in the self-help movement. Even if your individual contribution seems small, $14.95 for a paperback or similar, it adds up for the author significantly if the audience is wide enough. That can be a great thing for everyone or more contrived for profit on the ‘expert’s’ side. Just because the author hits the best seller list and the talk show circuit with rave reviews, listen to your own instincts. Particularly if that person uses any variation of the phrase ‘if you don’t understand this, you are not yet enlightened’. Yeah, maybe, but isn’t that their job to make it clear to you? So if they fail, maybe they’re not quite as enlightened as they think or maybe they’re just peddling snake oil to people that really, really want to believe in hope.
I started feeling uncomfortable after a professional was raving to me about one person and her technique. I tried it but started feeling worse about myself and the world fairly quickly. ‘Everyone’ in books and on the web seemed to be a believer except me. Then I did a little deep digging and discovered I wasn’t so alone in my discomfort and this person has been alleged to use group think techniques similar to a cult. Oh my.
You may or may not agree with the guru of the hour, but always be cautious of anyone or anything that is that popular with no apparent detractors. Everyone has people that don’t agree with them, so if their voice is missing you might ask why. The Rick A. Ross Institute online forum is a great place to start that research. Think of it as consumer reports for the self-help and spirituality area.
