A personal Thanksgiving tradition

I love turkey as much as the next person (ok, it’s all about the stuffing and gravy) but I’m not so fond of mob mentality sentiment.  I’m a little suspicious that what people say in public that they’re thankful for is a little different than what they might write in the sand of a deserted dessert island. I’ve been to enough painfully awkward holiday dinners to know that not every family is the stuff of pure gratitude.  I think there’s a little of that ‘if I say it with enough enthusiasm I might believe it’ so I prefer to keep my soul searching a little more private.

Two years ago I started a tradition of writing a Thanksgiving message and putting it in a bottle and into the ocean.  The contents remain private except to those that might find the bottle (and yes, one of them has been found.)  I don’t even keep a copy for myself so that it truly goes out with the tide. I’ve been sitting here thinking about whether I wanted to take this into a third year or give it up. It takes some effort to get to a beach and it seem a little silly doing this every year.

I’ve decided it’s worth continuing simply because the act of writing private thoughts with the idea that it might be read by a stranger requires a greater degree of care than just simply jotting a quick list in a diary.  There’s a ritual that feels important in choosing the glass bottle, wrapping the message carefully and sealing it with a cork. Too much effort to say that I’m grateful for my family or my health. Of course there’s a lot that I’m grateful for but maybe not so many that I feel strongly enough about to consign to the ocean.  I’m healthy, but I’ve always been healthy so it doesn’t seem remarkable enough to talk about. I’m sure I don’t feel as thankful about that as a cancer survivor would – we all perceive the world through our personal experiences. So each year I think about what I would feel most lost without.

What makes you glad to be alive? Is that different from what you might tell a reporter? I hope that all of you find some time today for quiet reflection and your own traditions that leave you feeling more connected with your spirit, rested, and moving through December with grace and joy:-)

Technorati Tags: intuition, letting yourself go

5 easy steps to becoming an insider

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to get information when the knowledge holders are a closed community.  It’s not the same as the cool kids’ lunch table but it can feel like it.  For example, the travelling artists that sell at festivals – they might want to be helpful but if they’ve survived this far they know better than to say ‘yes, it’s been a great weekend and I made $10,000 (all of which is within five feet of me) to a complete stranger.  And another example being treasure hunters that aren’t all that keen to share the spot where they finally found some bounty after twenty years of looking and particularly not with someone that hasn’t even put forty hours in yet.  So you could whine about the unfairness of it all, or try this approach:

1. Put the time in – acknowledge to yourself that you are an outsider and have yet to earn your stripes.  Go to art shows, show up at the golf course with your metal detector, even if you don’t know what you’re doing.

2. Ask for help but limit yourself to just one question; the most burning and critical one I hope.  Nothing looks more manipulative than “here, show me how to do it” until the whole project has been done in demonstration. It worked on my dad when I was a kid but I’d be embarrassed to try it now.

3. Follow the rules, but don’t follow blindly.  If it’s illegal to metal detect in state parks, don’t do it.  But just because everyone else you see walks in straight lines doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try a zigzag.  If nothing else people will start asking you about it and you’ll get some conversation going.

4. Pay it forward – there is always someone more ignorant than you, offer help to others now, don’t wait until you’re sure you’re an expert.

5. Develop your intuition and trust your gut.  Most people are genuine but some are not.  If a hot tip doesn’t ring true, ask around and go with your instincts.

Technorati Tags: intuition, learning new things, self-esteem

Intuition vs common sense

Some say that happiness is working through a challenge, not relaxing on the beach. And I admit to a certain state of bliss when working on a project as it goes from ignorance, confusion and chaos to something vaguely resembling the goal. That’s pretty much where I am now in my life project – still chaotic but beginning to take shape which is probably why I’m taking some pretty big financial risks to keep investing in the ‘project’ of me instead of being my usually fiscally responsible self and finding an outside job in addition. This week marked the first no going back on taking out financial reserves. Suze Orman and I are never going to see eye to eye but then I could never survive with just one pair of earrings. I know what convention would say I should do, but I can’t quite bring myself to pursue it, at least not this week!

As I’ve been working on the No Excuses Project, I’m beginning to see what a huge role excuses have played in putting ‘being safe’ in front of dreams.  Sometime around high school I realized how much talk there was in my family of ‘someday’ and exciting projects, trips,  and businesses. None of which ever materialized and I vowed that I would not become that. I haven’t, but I’ve let it influence me just the same and have been somewhere more in the middle of that spectrum then where I truly want to be.  Of course I could be entirely wrong and have some serious crow to eat in a year or so but….  I’d rather find that out for sure, I guess.

On a more tangible level, I’ve gotten prints made of my photography and gotten those posted on Etsy. Between clearing error messages on the temperamental printer I worked on going outside of my comfort zone when it comes to writing sales copy.  I would much rather say ‘red hibiscus’ and leave it at that but I know better – still it’s struggle!

As soon as I finish one last necklace this morning, I’ll have the first batch of beach glass jewelry ready for photography. I picked up some sand and pebbles for props yesterday so hopefully I can get that done this weekend and the online shop setup quickly (more copy to write!) It’s taken a lot longer than I anticipated to get this far, as usual!

Technorati Tags: common excuses, Health and Happiness, intuition, investing in yourself, solopreneur, taking financial risks, taking risks, the way to happiness

The five hidden dangers of feedback statistics

Although I think grades and test scores have a valid place, I sometimes wonder if we don’t get so used to that mentality in school that we never let go of it in adulthood. It seems like there are a huge variety of places to see our progress or self-perception reflected in the ‘grade’ of salary and raises (or not), reviews, conversations, web site statistics, etc. While these can be valuable indicators, relying on them too strongly over your intuition may keep you from where you want to be. Sometimes relying on your own judgment is required over the perceptions of others and it’s one of the advantages of growing up! Here are five things to be aware of when looking at feedback, whichever form you are either exposed to or seek out:

1. Despite the numerous analogies out there, life isn’t baseball. There’s no specific calendar to know when you can definitively judge the feedback as to when something was good, great, or a waste of time. You might do a favor for someone and not realize until ten years later what it meant to them but because they are still talking about it, you now see just how much it meant. Or this blog – when I post this, if nobody reads it the first day does that mean it’s not of interest? What about the following week? What if 100 people read it the first day but nobody after that? Watching statistics too minutely is unlikely to provide realistic data in the long term.

2. You don’t know what you don’t know about. If someone praises you to your boss while that boss is frantically looking for the presentation that was supposed to start five minutes ago, what are the odds that you’ll ever hear about it? Exactly. Bloggers that check Google stats daily (or more often) because they’re attaching self worth to those numbers only know about the readers that permit cookies or leave comments; the rest are invisible, but not unimportant.

3. The smaller and less varied the sample the less accurate the data is generally. It’s the whole ‘six out of seven doctors surveyed’ ad campaign. Was that seven doctors down the hall from the marketing department or 70,000 personal interviews? If your boss says the majority of your customers are happy/unhappy with your performance, it does make a difference how many customers you have. If that number is very small it doesn’t make the existing ones less important but that feedback may not apply beyond that small group  to the next set of customers you work with.

4. Feedback is more likely to come from those that feel invested, thereby skewing the statistics. I find blogging to be fascinating to watch because it is a constantly changing social experiment. What I’ve noticed lately is that the majority of comments on my other blog are coming from people, organizations or competing organizations that were mentioned in the post. They are all more invested in what I’m saying and how it’s perceived than general readers. If you aren’t a great cook, that’s much more likely to come up in conversation if you invite friends over for dinner (invested) than if you mention to them what you made for dinner last night (not invested.)

5. People don’t read directions. Whether it’s a ranking survey (1-10) or an assessment someone is going to provide different information than was requested because they misread that 10 was excellent or a valid email address is required. Going back up to point number 3 that can change the feedback you see significantly. If you base your feelings or your actions purely on that feedback you could  inadvertently head down the wrong path.

Technorati Tags: intuition

Writing and pondering

My almost family crisis de-escalated early this week, which is great news but still takes a few days to switch back to life as normal. It’s hard to switch gears, particularly when you don’t quite trust the situation yet.  I’ve continued to try and get as much writing done as possible, partly because once I’m in the groove it’s good to stay there but also to have some extra available just in case.  Even though it’s more work, I’m glad I decided to do more than one blog. It gives me a chance to explore different types of writing, from the personal like this to more  research-based posts; it’s amazing what you find when you have a quest and a time line.  This week I learned a lot about the legal battles in Florida over rights to sunken treasure and how much the web is like the game of telephone – people post their interpretations of laws and before you know it they’re claiming that something is illegal that actually isn’t or vice versa. No different than talking to your neighbor, but curious to observe.

I’ve also been thinking about my No Excuses project. I’m committed to the what, but haven’t yet figured out the how. Something tells me that if I just tell myself to not make excuses I’ll find a way to excuse that before the year is out, so I need to come up with a little more structure, either working specific ones each week or specific goals, or some combination.  Although I’m learning to trust my intuition more, sometimes my interpration of it is way off.  Sunday I picked up my photography from the hospital exhibit and never met anyone from it or had anything develop from it which is what I felt would happen three months ago.  So either it’s a latent development that hasn’t occurred yet, I got it completely wrong, or that experience will impact my decision on something farther down the road.  I think sometimes the significance of something doesn’t become clear until years later, so I’m sticking to following intuition as much as possible.

Technorati Tags: getting things done, going with the flow, Health and Happiness, intuition, solopreneur, the way to happiness

This and that

I don’t think I can claim any great accomplishments this week; mostly I let myself follow my intuition and not push too hard. I worked on getting the kitty’s new diet and prescriptions established, got some photographs edited, got some volunteer work done ready for court next Monday and just let myself be.  Sometimes not going full speed ahead is the best thing although I’m never 100% convinced of that.  I am trying to get more exercise in although it’s an uphill battle – just about everything else seems more important in the moment. Next week I should have enough jewelry done to set up an Etsy site and also have another art site ready.  I’ve been trying to study up on marketing and selling; two areas I struggle with so that I can begin to improve my overall results. I firmly believe that everything can be learned; some things just come more quickly!

Technorati Tags: crafting a creative life, going with the flow, Health and Happiness, intuition, learning new things, solopreneur, the way to happiness

How to solve tough problems with a personalized formula for success

I came across an exercise not that long ago that suggested that you figure out how you’ve answered or solved big questions in the past when you were happy with the result. Then you could apply that formula to new problems and at least have something of a road map to go by.

Hmmm, nothing like a little analysis of analysis for fun.  When I sat down to do it however, the tricky part was coming up with examples where I had thought it through and was truly satisfied with how things turned out.  Lesson 1 was realizing that all too often I’ve not used any kind of a process and grabbed onto the first thing that came along, sometimes with good results and sometimes not.  But two major purchasing decisions did fit the requirements; my car and my house, so I used those to figure out how I’d gotten there and sure enough I do have a relatively consistent process!

1. Identify the need  I’m ready to own my own home
2. I make a list, of course I’m a compulsive list maker so this makes sense. But in this case it’s divided into strict requirements, nice-to-have’s, and parameters. The house had to have a basement and be built before 1945, it would be nice to have a fire place, and it should be somewhere  quiet and safe.
   
3. Then I research and seek outside expertise  real estate listings to see where old houses are available, find an agent via referral, get pre-approved etc.
4. Followed by refining the lists in step #2 quiet and safe with the appropriate commute now equals somewhere in the Northwest neighborhood
5. Seize timing – this one is harder to predict but it means being really ready and committed; checking real-estate listings daily and making an offer when a house meets the criteria without contributing any new problems
6. Fulfill the need – it may seem self-evident but it closes the circle and allows my brain to stop thinking about the problem, stop checking listings and most importantly not going into the land of ‘might-have-been’ or ‘if-only-I-had’.

The challenge now is to get in the habit of using this process to develop satisfactory solutions for problems as they crop up. It doesn’t remove intuition, but rather includes it in a more structured format and keeps it from being confused with fear.

What are your steps?

Technorati Tags: achieving goals, challenges, intuition, self-improvement

Determination

If there was a theme for this week, determination was it. I woke up Monday morning determined, some might even say it edged over into stubborn. Determined to find some other way to get by than return to a cubicle, determined to keep pressing ahead with what my intuition says to do even if the numbers are not encouraging, and determined to let the fear go. That last one is an ongoing challenge – every time I think I’ve vanquished it, it crops up again.

All of this led to a weekly to-do list that was two notebook pages long instead of the usual one. No, it’s not all done yet but I think I’ll make 80% by tomorrow. I’ve tried things and found web pages I wouldn’t have explored otherwise and started the romance short story I was nervous about even trying; but there’s a magazine that pays well for that and so it’s worth a try. A part of me is afraid I might be good at it, which has more to do with other people’s opinions than my own. Even if the magazine doesn’t like it, it’s time to see if I can do it! Basically my determination has led me to be a lot more open to things that I was either hesitant about or doubted my ability. Many are likely not to pay off at all but I’m confident that the overall effort is my true path.

Technorati Tags: intuition, trying new things

What does ‘a sign’ really look like anyway?

It’s just been one of those weeks.  No major catastrophes, but plenty of frustrating distractions – starting with the squirrel setting up housekeeping in the attic and a minor case of bronchitis or something similar that is making me feel like I imagine pack-a-day smokers feel when facing a StairMaster,  further derailing my stab at a fitness plan.  And yet the latter encouraged me to take a mid-afternoon nap in the winter sunshine, and the squirrel is reminding me that diligence and obsession really are two different things.

And somewhere in there I’ve managed to get enough website stuff done to be ready next week to start telling the world that they’re here (this site and www.nurdle.net) .  And along with all that, a little bright point of happiness; an email inviting me to display three photographs in a hospital’s changing  exhibit.  A small but great step towards getting more visibility as a photographer. The funny part is that I had visualized this very hospital and event in context with meeting ‘the guy’ a psychic predicted two years ago.  I’ll have to wait until April to find out that part, but I’ll let you know if it happens.

Some would say there were no signs here and this is just life as usual. They could be right, but I’m more inclined to see intent and tailored lessons on flow, patience, and not obsessing.  I’m trying very hard to pay attention.

Technorati Tags: encouragement, Importance of Motivation, intuition, synchronicity