I’ve recently concluded that the ego is getting an undeservedly bad rap, if it even really exists. It’s not like the ego is a kidney that can be identified on an x-ray;  Freud came up with the term and like most pioneers he got a lot of things wrong. But we continue to carry the concept forward and I’ve read several authors recently that proclaim it to be the number one obstacle to well, just about everything. The argument made by established self-help authors like Wayne Dyer and wanna be gurus like Ekhart Tolle is that humans are made in the image of [insert preferred spiritual source] which does not have an ego and therefore we gain elevation and enlightenment if we move closer to said spiritual source by eliminating the ego as much as possible.  I’m paraphrasing pretty heavily but you’ve probably encountered this concept somewhere already.  The flaw in this argument is that we all have egos and thus if we were created in a source’s image or divided from that source, or designed in any way then the ego may be misunderstood, like having an appendix, but it’s there for a reason and serving a necessary purpose. Any time we seek to sublimate or deny a core part of ourselves we create negative consequences which is something Freud acknowledged as well.

That doesn’t mean I’m advocating for “egotistical” behaviors – that’s simply going overboard in the opposite direction.  And most of the truly ego-overloaded people I’ve known had rock-bottom self-esteem underneath all the bravado.  I think the universal challenge in being human that is being overlooked is the one of finding balance: the right midpoint between “I” and “we”, how to follow your bliss and still get the garbage out, play and work, work (of any sort) and care for children/pets/elderly, traveling to expand your horizons and staying home to cultivate them.

In place of the ego and the id, I prefer to think in terms of Martha Beck’s ’social self’ and ‘essential self’, the first being equivalent to the ego in terms of being in charge of social interactions and behavior – why we wear deodorant, try not to say mean but true things, and all the other stuff that wouldn’t be an issue if you lived alone on a desert island with no expectation of seeing anyone ever again. Whereas the essential self is the sense of “me-ness”  that would still exist on that desert island, ageless, eternally delighted with sparkle crayons, etc.  Here too, there is a balancing act but there is acknowledged value in both aspects – one part without the other would be fundamentally unwhole.  We are, after all, each created whole.  We don’t see physical growth from baby to teenager and beyond as the correction of flaws so why should spiritual and personal growth be any different?

That’s my take on it, you may see it differently – please share your thoughts in the comments:-)

Technorati Tags: guru, life design, Personal Growth

Happiness as Your Business Model

Technorati Tags: happiness in life, how to find happiness, life design, starting a new business

There’s a huge difference between trying to live life around the edges of an unsatisfying job and trying to live it while creating four different careers simultaneously without spending any money. There are still only 24 hours in the day and there are still things on my to-do list from a month ago that haven’t happened yet.  But I’m happy.  I still have pressure, I still have money worries, and things still fail and I still make mistakes.  The difference is that everything I do now is designed to contribute to a unified goal; something that is supposed to happen in corporate America but I was never privileged to witness.

My brilliant idea has been downgraded to a really good idea, due to my inability to be in six places at once. However, I believe I’ll be ready to start marketing it directly next week.  The big reveal:  I’m going to offer the service of baking bread directly in the kitchen of houses on the market that have been there a little too long. Primarily open houses in empty houses that have begun to project the aura of being vacant.  Nothing beats the smell of fresh baking yeast bread.I won’t be  out any serious money if it doesn’t work or is slow to catch on.  The side benefits are that if it does work, houses should start selling better in my neighborhood and I’ll have lots of bread to donate to nearby shelters – everybody wins!  The joy of this isn’t that I’m going to make a fortune, I already know I won’t, but that I can try it, learn interesting things along the way, and meet interesting people.  What fun!

My article composition for blogging is improving (gradually) and I’m starting to find the information sources that are the most helpful to me so I’m not scanning quite so much raw material.  I’ve yet to update my photography site, but I’m hoping to dive in there today so that I can start prepping it for offering things for sale. And because sometimes you just have to make time – tomorrow I’m going to take off and go beach glass hunting for the entire day.  I’m justifying this as ‘work’ because once I’ve got a few thousand dollars extra lying around I’m going to set up my jewelry studio and start selling sea glass jewelry (on top of everything else.)

Technorati Tags: life design, multiple profit centers, Personal Growth, self-fulfillment, solopreneur, the way to happiness

I can’t take any credit for this one; I recently read it in The Art of Possibility and didn’t think much about it at first.  The simple concept suggested using ‘and’ instead of ‘but’ when joining two clauses.  It was a brief section in the book and I noted it mildly as I read on.  A few days later I started to realize just how often I use the word ‘but’ in a conjunctive sense.  For example:

• I want to drive to Alaska, but I also want to see the Greek islands
• I want to make money blogging, but I need to pay the bills now
• I want a loving relationship, but I appreciate some of the things that go with being single

These sound innocent enough except that I really use the word ‘but’ frequently. Ouch.  At first I didn’t even think that I’m limiting my options by doing this; more of setting a priority or qualifying the desire until I sat with these sentences having rephrased them with ‘and’ instead:

• I want to drive to Alaska, and I also want to see the Greek islands
• I want to make money blogging, and I need to pay the bills now
• I want a loving relationship, and I appreciate some of the things that go with being single

It doesn’t imply that I can do anything simultaneously or suggest anything impossible. Yet there’s a  subtle difference between the two sets of sentences. Maybe there’s a solution out there that involves both Alaska and the Greek islands that I wouldn’t find if I were only looking for one side of the equation. I don’t know yet.  What I do know is that the second set seems infinitely more open to possibility and the potential for abundance.  It doesn’t deny one thought or desire in favor of the other; it makes them more equal. So while I work on reducing my use of the ‘b’ word, try it for yourself and let me know if it makes a difference for you.

Technorati Tags: abundance, life design, removing limits, self discovery, self-talk