How to break an addiction to lack or resentment

Have you ever known someone that wanted something for so long that when it came into reach they acted like they didn’t want it even though they still talked about obtaining it?  Like a chance at a college education or a military family finally retiring to one place or a foster kid getting adopted.

It all boils down to fear, primarily fear of getting what you want. We worry that the object of our desire will not live up to our expectations or that the process of getting it will be more than it is worth or that we wasted time in dreaming of it when we should have been focusing on something else.

The sad part is that there isn’t much that others can do to change this because so much of the dialogue is internal. The person going through it has to decide that they want to pursue their dreams, the rest of us just have to exercise more patience than normal and be vigilant not to validate any of the fearful thoughts. Don’t say ‘I had a horrible time in college’ or ‘I never used my degree’ ! 

If you’re the person going through this:

• Get into a daily habit of meditation or just spending some time with your feelings without judgement
• Research and read books and websites about trusting yourself
• Take small steps but also set yourself a timeline
• Hold yourself accountable, don’t wait for others to do it for you
• Notice when you aren’t being objective about yourself or results – if you’ve gone without what you want for a long time you are likely seeing things as much darker than they really are. Find yourself a neutral point of comparison before you decide that nothing ever goes right.

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