There are all kinds of ways to stand out
December 28, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Visual Meditation of the Week
Taken in pieces there really isn’t anything that outstanding about this camellia flower – it’s doesn’t have an unusual color or shape or even number of petals. It’s not particularly small or really gigantic and yet somehow it commands attention. Do you view yourself in terms of the pieces or the overall?
Camellia, Juliet Chase, all rights reserved
Sunset
July 19, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Visual Meditation of the Week
There is something magical about a sunset and it’s more than just the beautiful colors. There’s so much power in the transition that even the most harried stop for a brief moment in awe. We can enjoy it because we all have confidence that the sun will be back in the morning – do you have that same confidence in yourself when contemplating a transition?
Sunset in County Clare, Juliet Chase, all rights reserved
The importance of authenticity
June 2, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Pursuit of Happiness
Being authentic often gets confused with being honest. I’ll agree it would be hard to be authentic and dishonest at the same time, but they aren’t really opposites. Authenticity is more about intent and motivation.Those are subtle but powerful aspects in any conversation, sale, or interaction.
A salesman giving a hard sell usually doesn’t get the sale because the words say that the motivation is you, the customer, but the actions say just the opposite. Just about every time I go to Costco someone pressures me to upgrade the basic membership to the one with a higher fee with promises about how much money I would get back. One time a woman walked all the way out to my car with me selling for all she was worth. A marketing expert could probably tell me the underlying factors in an instant. What I know is that with all the constant hard selling I don’t trust that there isn’t more in this exchange for Costco than there is for me. They lost the potential sale and my trust by not being authentic.
I’ve noticed that people are beginning to feel this way about “free” e-books online as well. Often labeled as manifestos they’re popping up everywhere. And while yes, they are free and nobody is lying as far as I can tell, the motivation is becoming increasingly suspect as links take you to sites that are raving about the author’s site (because they’re mentioned or because they think it’s good?) The few that I’ve read felt like someone had enticed me with promises of content that did not deliver and I think it was because the intent was not to help me but to help someone more personally connected by engaging my time. If I’m investing my time, it isn’t really free.
The problem with authenticity is that it’s hard to spot the lack in yourself as well as in others. It’s perfectly normal to imitate ‘experts’ when we are learning something new or feel less confident in ourselves, but at some point you have to stop and assess whether you are being authentic in continuing as is. The expert may well be being authentic. We’ve all seen someone ‘work the room’ that is a genuine extrovert and natural salesperson but if I, as someone more naturally inclined to small groups and familiar faces, were to mimic their behavior exactly it would be a painful and unproductive exercise for all concerned. That doesn’t mean I can’t network effectively it just means it looks very different when I’m being authentic and effective.
What took so long?
May 22, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Juliet's Journal
A few years back I left a job in a company that I had come to regard as running a kind of legal shell game. My former manager just looked at me and said he was surprised that it took me that long. That’s kind of how I’m feeling now – what the heck has taken me so long to get to this point? Yes, things take longer than I ever anticipate; I’m starting to see a pattern of what I think will happen in a week will actually happen in a month with diligence. That’s definitely a part of it. But there’s also something to that nagging feeling of not being enough – not knowledgeable enough, not skilled enough, etc.
Now that entrepreneurship is suddenly fashionable again and in the news I’m starting to see that I’ve unconsciously tried to play both sides of that fence and consequently ended up on top of it. Nobody can really teach you how to be an explorer. By it’s very nature, it’s heading into new territory. But those are the people that I’d really like to hang out with and I’ve come to the point where I would far rather fail from trying than waiting for something to happen. So… rather than waiting I’m going to order the essential supplies I need to make my line of sea glass jewelry. I emphasize essential because as soon as I sit down with the supply catalog I find things that would be extremely useful but when I really evaluate are not critical right this minute. I don’t know why I think I can’t place a second order if it turns out I can’t get along with out it.
While I thought I’d be ready to start advertising my bread baking enterprise this week, I’m not – but I am ready to start next week. My business cards came in and I’ve got the paper to print fliers. I’ve run a test run of multiple batches of dough so I feel more confident and I’ve started calling to find out when real-estate agents will be in the office. Nothing more to do except do it!
Now I have to head off into the unknown territory of setting up online purchasing for jewelry and photography. I’ve put it off because I don’t know where to start. Anywhere will do – time to learn and explore and ask questions.
Love yourself because of (not in spite of) your imperfections
March 18, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Health and Happiness
Somewhere in a book on my shelf there is a quotation (which of course I can’t find right now) that says that we are honored for our talents, but loved for our imperfections.
We spend so much time trying to weed out and reduce our flaws as though they were cancer cells. And true, we could all probably stand to be better listeners, more charitable to our neighbors etc. But is perfection really a worthy goal?
The funny thing about perfection if you think about it is that it’s really quite boring. There are no surprises, nothing unexpected, nothing dramatic, nothing humorous. All those things come from the less than perfect. If you think about someone that you perceive as being closer to perfection than most mortals, what is it that makes them appealing? Unique? If you were called to the morgue to identify the body, what characteristics would identify that person as different from others of a similar profile? My guess is that most of the things you might list here would generally be classified as an imperfection; a gap in the teeth, a mole, a scar, a bad dancer, stubborn, addiction to reality tv, you name it. Even high profile models are often ‘unique’ in being short (less than 6′) having a mole or a strong jaw. Something that brings them down just a tad from being physically ‘perfect’.
Physical ideals get the most press, but attitudes are probably even more important and harder to identify. A few years back I broke my arm in a rather embarrassing way. It was an after work event and I walked around the table to get away from a loud talker. I carried my beer with me, slipped on something and for some unknown reason tried to save the beer in my right hand while putting all my weight on my left wrist as I landed. I was embarrassed, mortified, a bit defensive (I was NOT inebriated) and there was no way to make this a secret when there were about 20 witnesses who thought it made a hilarious water cooler story at work the next day.
Then a funny thing happened. I noticed that when I told the complete story to strangers who asked about the cast on my arm, they warmed up to me – not just in sympathy, but because they could relate to me and all of those emotions. I don’t think I was ever any one’s idea of even close to perfect, but you wouldn’t be too far off to describe me as reserved and someone that played it safe. Someone that worried about what other people were thinking. I was used to being respected for my skills and talents and worked hard to present a competent and professional demeanor. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I was more successful in all aspects of my life when I showed my flaws and my humanness to the world without judging myself first.
I wish I could say that the six weeks in the cast cured me of self-doubt and self-consciousness completely. It didn’t, it just brought the lesson home and it’s one that I continue to work on. If any of this resonates with you, I recommend M.J. Ryan’s book Trusting Yourself: How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Live More Happily with Less Effort Without trust, there really can’t be love.
How to start taking more and better risks right now
February 24, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Health and Happiness
Risks are not all created equal. Healthy risks (and the ones worth pursuing) are to gain those skills and abilities that you envy in other people, “I wish I was like that” or “I wish I could do that” or that make your eyes light up while you think “I wonder if…”. They are not things that make you nauseous or instill any other symptoms of fight or flight or that you know will be harmful. Sky diving is not a healthy risk for me personally because when I think about it, all I get is a feeling of dread, my stomach drops to my knees, and I can’t imagine feeling better about myself at the end of it. It may or may not be on your personal risk list.
The first step to learning to take more risks is to figure out which ones are on your personal list without making any immediate plans to tackle them or beat yourself up for not being there yet. Risks can be big or small, things that seem silly, or things that are universally acknowledged to be a really big deal. Healthy risks may be emotional risks, physical challenges or both. It’s okay; it’s your list and your timetable – there are no deadlines.
Why keep a written list?
Well, mostly because risks are sneaky and once conquered, they quickly slip from your memory as ever having been scary. Keeping a running list that you maintain helps to prove to yourself how brave you’re being and how far you’ve come. I’ve been keeping mine since 2004 and can now say that I typically cross off about 7 or 8 items each year but with each year the number grows… you may have more or less. When I look back at the early items, it’s hard to remember ever feeling like those were really risks!
Starting your list
Step 1. Create a list of risky things that you can identify now that you would like to tackle someday. Look over the list to make sure that you aren’t allowing anyone else’s risks onto your list just because you feel you should. Do you genuinely feel excited about the day when you’ll feel ready to take each one on, even if they feel overwhelming now?
Step 2. Copy the list to a permanent journal or computer document (I confess I keep mine in a spreadsheet) and leave enough room for the date when you complete each item. Be sure to leave some room at the end to add items as you think of them.
Step 3. Pick the risk that you want to start with and ask yourself if you feel ready to take it on. It’s okay to give yourself research time or just to sit with it for awhile. When you have met the challenge, mark the date it was completed next to it on the list and pick the next one to tackle.
Step 4. Add items to the list posthumously (the risk, not you!) That is, risks that you take and face but that you hadn’t thought to add to the list ahead of time. Example: fixing the leaking toilet – not something I anticipated having to deal with, and I was shaking with each turn of the wrench, but oh so proud of myself at the end of it and I know now that I could do it again with much less angst.
Step 5. Look over the completed items once a year on New Year’s or your birthday and really take stock of how far you’ve come and give yourself credit. Add any new risks you’ve thought of that you’d like to take on someday.
In the five years that I’ve been keeping my list it’s grown to around 75 items. Here are some examples of the range these can take:
Window shop inside Tiffany’s (10/1/2004)
Visit a psychic (5/27/2006)
Call the local gym (8/15/2006)
Wander around New York City by myself (1/25/2007)
Trade $100 on the stock market (tbd)
Drive to Alaska (tbd)
