How to solve tough problems with a personalized formula for success

I came across an exercise not that long ago that suggested that you figure out how you’ve answered or solved big questions in the past when you were happy with the result. Then you could apply that formula to new problems and at least have something of a road map to go by.

Hmmm, nothing like a little analysis of analysis for fun.  When I sat down to do it however, the tricky part was coming up with examples where I had thought it through and was truly satisfied with how things turned out.  Lesson 1 was realizing that all too often I’ve not used any kind of a process and grabbed onto the first thing that came along, sometimes with good results and sometimes not.  But two major purchasing decisions did fit the requirements; my car and my house, so I used those to figure out how I’d gotten there and sure enough I do have a relatively consistent process!

1. Identify the need  I’m ready to own my own home
2. I make a list, of course I’m a compulsive list maker so this makes sense. But in this case it’s divided into strict requirements, nice-to-have’s, and parameters. The house had to have a basement and be built before 1945, it would be nice to have a fire place, and it should be somewhere  quiet and safe.
   
3. Then I research and seek outside expertise  real estate listings to see where old houses are available, find an agent via referral, get pre-approved etc.
4. Followed by refining the lists in step #2 quiet and safe with the appropriate commute now equals somewhere in the Northwest neighborhood
5. Seize timing – this one is harder to predict but it means being really ready and committed; checking real-estate listings daily and making an offer when a house meets the criteria without contributing any new problems
6. Fulfill the need – it may seem self-evident but it closes the circle and allows my brain to stop thinking about the problem, stop checking listings and most importantly not going into the land of ‘might-have-been’ or ‘if-only-I-had’.

The challenge now is to get in the habit of using this process to develop satisfactory solutions for problems as they crop up. It doesn’t remove intuition, but rather includes it in a more structured format and keeps it from being confused with fear.

What are your steps?

Technorati Tags: achieving goals, challenges, intuition, self-improvement

Love yourself because of (not in spite of) your imperfections

Somewhere in a book on my shelf there is a quotation (which of course I can’t find right now) that says that we are honored for our talents, but loved for our imperfections.

We spend so much time trying to weed out and reduce our flaws as though they were cancer cells.  And true, we could all probably stand to be better listeners, more charitable to our neighbors etc. But is perfection really a worthy goal?

The funny thing about perfection if you think about it is that it’s really quite boring.  There are no surprises, nothing unexpected, nothing dramatic, nothing humorous.  All those things come from the less than perfect.  If you think about someone that you perceive as being closer to perfection than most mortals, what is it that makes them appealing? Unique?  If you were called to the morgue to identify the body, what characteristics would identify that person as different from others of a similar profile?  My guess is that most of the things you might list here would generally be classified as an imperfection; a gap in the teeth, a mole, a scar, a bad dancer, stubborn, addiction to reality tv, you name it.  Even high profile models are often ‘unique’ in being short (less than 6′) having a mole or a strong jaw. Something that brings them down just a tad from being physically ‘perfect’.

Physical ideals get the most press, but attitudes are probably even more important and harder to identify.  A few years back I broke my arm in a rather embarrassing way.  It was an after work event and I walked around the table to get away from a loud talker. I carried my beer with me, slipped on something and for some unknown reason tried to save the beer in my right hand while putting all my weight on my left wrist as I landed.  I was embarrassed, mortified,  a bit defensive (I was NOT inebriated) and there was no way to make this a secret when there were about 20 witnesses who thought it made a hilarious water cooler story at work the next day.

Then a funny thing happened.  I noticed that when I told the complete story to strangers who asked about the cast on my arm, they warmed up to me – not just in sympathy, but because they could relate to me and all of those emotions.  I don’t think I was ever any one’s idea of even close to perfect, but you wouldn’t be too far off to describe me as reserved and someone that played it safe.  Someone that worried about what other people were thinking.  I was used to being respected for my skills and talents and worked hard to present a competent and professional demeanor. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I was more successful in all aspects of  my life when I showed my flaws and my humanness to the world without judging myself first.

I wish I could say that the six weeks in the cast cured me of self-doubt and self-consciousness completely. It didn’t, it just brought the lesson home and it’s one that I continue to work on.  If any of this resonates with you, I recommend M.J. Ryan’s book Trusting Yourself: How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Live More Happily with Less Effort Without trust, there really can’t be love.

Technorati Tags: loving yourself, relationships, self confidence, self-improvement, trusting yourself