The No Excuses Project: ‘The past still has hold of me’
October 7, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under No Excuses Project
This excuse is a tough one for me; I use it a lot. When I say the past still has hold of me, it’s different than saying ‘it’s never worked before’. I’ve used that one too but it’s for a different week. This one seems to come out more when I’m feeling stressed and inadequate. It usually comes from a completely different direction so if I’m worrying about finances then I start telling myself that I haven’t resolved past relationships and can’t move forward. If I’m stressing about a relationship then I may tell myself that I never accomplished my goals in a prior career. It’s something of a distraction mechanism as it gets me worrying about something other than what’s really bothering me, only it’s not productive at all.
I didn’t get this one off of a list in a book, so I could be the only one using this excuse (but I doubt it.) My best strategy is to simply call it what it is ‘that’s and excuse and NO MORE EXCUSES!’ That seems to silence the inner voice for awhile but it requires repeat applications and constant vigilance. Working on my patience and restricting my worrying is on the goal list too. Altogether think I can eliminate this one with some work… I hope.
Next week: ‘I have too many other projects’
How to avoid the bridezilla syndrome in weddings and in life
June 9, 2009 by Juliet Chase
Filed under Pursuit of Happiness
The term bridezilla makes for good headlines and reality shows but I think most everyone would agree that it’s a control issue that can rear it’s ugly head in a variety of situations from Thanksgiving dinner to how the towels are folded. Weddings just make it worse because the majority of these afflicted brides have been anticipating this moment for fifteen or more years as opposed to Thanksgiving which probably hasn’t been in the planning stages for more than twelve months. If we assume for a moment that these women are otherwise nice people to be around (yes, I know there are few that aren’t but that’s a separate issue) then this stress and need and rage must have something we can empathize with under all that. Do any of these sound familiar?:
- I want everything to be perfect!
- All eyes are on me, I’ve got to get it right!
- This is my one day to be the center of attention!
- I want everyone to remember this day!
What this usually translates to is stuff; either monogrammed paper napkins that exactly match the centerpiece, three more home-made pies than Cousin Mitzi made last year, or gaspingly expensive designer fashions, all in the effort to ‘make’ people enjoy themselves, be impressed or otherwise validate all the pain we went through to create this moment. A moment that we are now too exhausted to enjoy ourselves but which we’ve happily sacrificed for the greater good with plans to enjoy the pictures later. Fyi, martyrdom is rarely an attractive quality.
So how do you break this cycle? It’s all about switching the focus from stuff to emotions, which is easier said than done. If it’s a wedding we’re talking about and the bride wants it to be “perfect” well, what emotions would she use to define perfect? Happy, joyful, solemn, relaxed, inspired? If she wants the guests to feel happy will monogrammed napkins affect that? My guess is no, but who knows. Chances are happy guests come from cheerful music, temperate weather, good food,and laughter so what can you do to create the things that will create the mood you’re after? Generally speaking people are happiest being around happy people so the first step is to relax and enjoy it yourself.
The same thing goes with Thanksgiving – are you after guests that are impressed by your project management skills or ones that feel thankful to be together? Perfection is vastly overrated:-)
